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LYNN
Jim's breathing was very loud.
I said, "Jim, you were missing. Gone. I hadn't heard from you for two days. Your car was gone. I...I was worried."
He didn't say anything, so I continued. "Yeah so - I went in your room. To look for clues - you know - to find you, that's all! And this photo was there, a photo of a girl."
He nodded, slowly. "Doin' your snooping thing," he observed. "Again."
"Yeah, so I showed the photo to Angie, and she recognized the girl. Kanu and Angie are in the same dorm, y'see." I looked at Angie to see if she would back me up, but her face was turned away. What's her deal? This is her story, too!
I went on with the rest; first Angie introducing me to Kanu, then the trip to the club, then the bar. When I got to the part about arguing with Kanu, he finally spoke.
"You fought?" he asked, incredulously. "How could you possibly get into a fight with her? She's the sweetest, nicest, most amazing person I've ever met. She's so easy to get along with! Whaz your problem? You can't deal with me being happy for five minutes, is that it?" He had turned nearly all the way around in his seat.
"Well no," I said, feeling defensive, "But she's got so much money, y'know, and she was making fun of us!"
"Us?" Angie's voice floated up from the front seat.
"Well, not us." I admitted. "Just me, maybe."
Jim let out an exasperated "Pffft", and his hair floated off his forehead. "Making fun of ya? But, I mean, she wouldn't. I mean, she's never made fun ah me for," he paused, and waved his hand in the air, "that stuff. What did you say to her?"
"Well, I was telling her how we can't afford things that she can, like concert tickets and fancy restaurants, and she said..."
"You did what? You - how could you say that to her?! I was working..I was buying her nice things. She and I, I mean we..." He huffed again. "You did it again, Lynn. You are always snooping around, finding out people's secrets, then getting folks into trouble. I know you've helped people but...this? How could you have told her...I don't understand you. I was working, I was earning enough to be a good man for her. I hope you didn't ruin this one good thing for me," he finished icily.
"But...but..Jim...she said all this stuff to me!" In my head I thought, "Aren't you my brother? Why are you taking her side?"
"But nothing. I'm not listening to you anymore. You are lucky I'm not going to tell Mom about this right now. I may tell her later. I dunno. But I don't want to hear another word out of you the rest of the way to school. I'm going to try calling Kanu, and I hope for your sake that she understands that you don't know what you are talking about, and forgives me. In the meantime, it's nice to have met you, Angie, but I really have to ask for no talking from you either for the rest of the ride."
Then he turned around, started the car up, and drove us to school. I wanted to cry but I couldn't. I couldn't let him know that he hurt me again. I'm stronger than that.
-----
A few minutes later we pulled up to the pick-up/drop-off spot in front of the Union. I usually find this spot on campus comforting, since it has such a good view of the mountains, But I didn't look up today. My head was in a fog, and I didn't move for a few seconds. When I finally did look up, Jim was outside holding the door open and waiting for me to get out of the car.
I pushed the lever that released the front seat out of the way, and it slammed forward with a thump that jerked me into alertness. I squeezed myself out of the awkward opening, yanked my bag from the floor and straightened, bumping right into Jim.
He looked down at me with wide eyes. Was he still angry? He looked afraid. What was he scared of? Maybe he'll apologize.
But he didn't. Instead he shoved me out of the way, moved the seat back, and climbed into the car. I watched his car disappear around the loop, then turned around to find Angie waiting for me.
"Lynn..." she began.
"Yeah, so that was awkward." I interrupted, and grinned.
She scowled back. "It was awkward. But it also made no sense. Why, Lynn?"
"Why what?"
"Why did you have to make up that story? Why didn't you just tell him the truth?"
"I...I...wait. What? What do you mean, I mean yeah I didn't tell him the whole truth but is that your issue here? He's the one who freaked out!" I snapped.
"Nevermind," she replied, "You can tell yourself whatever you want. Tell the truth, make up stories. Whatever. I'm outta here." Then she turned on her heel and started walking downhill fast, toward the Quad.
"Angie, Wait..." I called, but she was already gone.
What...what just happened? It was too fast. Did I make a mistake? I missed it. Why did she leave? Why was Jim so mad?
The mountains felt oppressive, the light hurt my eyes. I squinted, and realized it wasn't the light. I was crying. Big fat tears made cold tracks on my cheeks. I'm ruining my eyeliner, I guess. I reached for my jacket pocket to find tissues, and came across my headphones instead. I don't care. Fine. I'll just put on a tape. Any tape. My fingers searched, then caressed the cold metal of the device in my bag, plugged the headphones in, and pushed play. Whatever music's in there will be better than feeling this way.
Nope, I made the wrong choice. This was one of my mixed tapes from high school, the one I made after I broke up with Sanko. It was in the middle of the second side, and Faster Pussycat's "House of Pain" was playing. I don't care. Whatever. Let it play. Let Taimie Downe sing for me.
I'm not trying to fake it
And I ain't the one to blame.
There's no one home
In my house of pain.
I didn't write these pages
And my script's been rearranged.
No, there's no one home
In my house of pain"
That's right, I'm in a house of pain.
I felt more than saw the students as they rushed past me on their way to class. I imagined what I must look like right now. I'd probably make a great music video. I dropped down to sit on the curb, and let out a quiet sob.
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